Family is the first to shape your character because we learn fastest by imitating others. We all mimic some influential figures in our lives (at least until we realize that there is someone better to imitate – Jesus Christ, the Son of God- and until we realize it is a charm in itself to be unique and not a copy). However, we can?t deny it, we imitate what we admire. Therefore as children we imitate the parents and the parents imitate their progenitors who in turn have imitated their forefathers and so on. However, this process doesn?t stop at reproducing what we admired in our forefathers, it also perpetuates the bad attitudes as well and many times parents don?t even realize how crooked their own pattern was, pattern that their children are born into.
Let?s see how the parental model can bring into a child?s life less wanted things and a twisted image of God. As mentioned earlier, kids see God as shown by the authority figure in their lives. This is where the father plays a very important role in modeling his child?s image of God. Here are 10 parental models as presented by Peter Horrobin in his teachings:
The parental model: (distant) A possible conviction of the child as a result: I am not important, I am insignificant. A possible attitude towards God as a result: God cannot care about me.
An “always busy” parent can determine the following belief in the child “I am worthless” and in relation with God, the child might think “God is not interested in me.”
A parent that doesn?t communicate sends the same “I am not important” message into his child?s heart and about God the child might as well believe that “God doesn?t want to talk to me.”
If the parent doesn?t confirm his child?s value, doesn?t support and encourage him the child unconsciously believes “I am not acceptable the way I am”, consequently his immature thoughts may lead him into believing the following: “God doesn?t think I am good at something therefore He cannot use me for anything.”
Lack of physical touch might lead the child into thinking “There is something dirty about me and I am not worthy of being touched” and also may determine the supposition that “God will not come close to me because I am unclean.”
The abusive parent induces into his child the following lie:”I can?t trust people, especially those who have power.” That?s why an abused child might as well believe the same about God “God has great power that?s why I can?t trust Him.”
Years ago while talking to a friend I told her that God is like a father. Her face was disappointed and said:”Like a father?” Seeing her disappointment I started explaining that He is like a good father, kind, patient, loving and I tried to make her understand how a father should ideally be. It is a little like explaining the taste of papaya when you never had one. All you can do is imagine?but, our God gives us the chance to taste Him, taste that kindness, unconditional love and forgiveness He has for us. It is difficult for an abused child to trust people and to understand God?s unconditional love, but it is perfectly achievable. God has His own methods of healing so He gives enough power to go all the way.
A violent parent will bring to his child?s mind convictions like “I?m afraid of other people because they can hurt me” and about God “God will hurt me if I get close to Him.”
If a parent is always on the edge of an argument, his child will thing that “the conflict is inevitable and painful”; as of God “God cannot be pleased. The attempt of having a relationship with Him will produce pain.”
Parental selfishness will bring the following destructive image into the child?s convictions:” I am just a slave, an unworthy person.” When it comes to God: “God will use me for His own good and not for mine.”
The careless parent communicates to his child willingly or not: “My needs don?t matter” and “God will not care for me because I am not important.”
These are 10 lies that our enemy Satan can use against ourselves and our children to pervert that unconditional love an acceptance and to induce a control spirit that will come with crushing consequences if not dealt with forgiveness, love and unconditional acceptance. The following article will present other parental attitudes in completion to this one. God is loving and Holy so we also need to renew our mind, to learn how to keep the balance between love and righteousness, excluding none. This will create a safety environment for our children and also, a healthy image about God with fewer wounds to heal.
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