Whether you realize it or not there are a lot of gender stereotypes in our society. Gender stereotype is an oversimplified conception about the social roles of male and female elements. Our society is built in such a way that even if we don?t want create gender stereotypes, the phenomenon occurs unknowingly.
For instance, in our society a man is supposed to be macho, tough, stronger than women and sexually aggressive. He is not supposed to cry and is rowdy. And a woman on the other hand, is supposed to be polite, soft, gentle, pretty, smarter than men and men dependant. She can cry all the time and should always be well dressed up.
Gender stereotype, though not harmful may convey some negative message to your child. So if you don?t want your child to be caught up in gender stereotypes, you should carry out certain steps for avoiding gender stereotypes.
Researches have shown that parents can play an important role in helping their children come out of gender stereotypes. They can even help their child in finding out some healthy ways to cope with gender stereotypes.
Given below are some tips that may help you in avoiding gender stereotypes.First of all avoid passing stereotypical statements. That is you should be very careful while talking about child?s gender. A statement like “Boys shouldn?t cry” or “A girl is not supposed to act like this” may result in unhealthy gender stereotypes.Let your child play with the things he likes to. If a boy wants to play with dolls let him play with them. If a girl wants to play toy cars or trucks let her play. Don?t make comments like “Boys shouldn?t play with dolls” or “Girls shouldn?t play with trucks”.
Help your child in doing the things he/she wants to do. Don?t worry about what the other people think. If your daughter wants to join karate classes or participate in sports encourage her in doing so. If your son wants to join dance class don?t stop him worrying what others will think.Let your child dress up in a way he/she wants. Don?t pass comments like “Girls should always be well dressed” or “Girls should not make their clothes dirty”. Let your child wear the color that he/she wants to. Don?t say, “Pink color is meant for girls and boys shouldn?t wear it”.Avoid giving gender stereotypical gifts to your child. Most of the parents do that. They buy a doll for their daughter and a bat for their son. These gifts are not bad but they result in developing gender stereotypes. Therefore you can buy a gift that is suitable for both a girl and a boy.Don?t be overprotective about your girls and don?t over pamper them. If they want to go out alone let them go. If they are crying from frustration, don?t hug them or feel sorry for them. Instead you can push them a little harder telling them that they are capable of more.Don?t emphasize on the physical appearance of your daughter. Instead, you can emphasis on her skills, talents and abilities. Talk with her about what she can do rather than how beautiful she looks in her pink dress.What a child watches or hears also matters. So be aware of the things he/she is watching or hearing. On television, there are a lots of gender stereotyped messages that can convey negative messages to them. Talk to them about what they are watching and hearing.
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Enlarge ImageWhat is sweeter than a good mother? I hope you are blessed with such a special, precious gift. “Adam named his wife Eve, because she would become the mother of all the living” and since, we all have a mother who brought us into the world. But a woman is not automatically a mother; she only becomes one when she gives birth to a child, as Rajneesh nicely puts it: “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ”
It is fascinating to discover the multitude of the facets a Mom?s love has and I will point some of them below to emphasize the beauty of a mother?s love:
1. Pure
A mother?s love is the purest love on Earth; it represents the highest level of sacrifice and since her baby is born, till the day she dies, a mother is bound to the fruit of her womb and her love is always poured on her child. Caring from the first heartbeats of her young, trough the long feverish nights and counseling the young teenage heart that has fallen in love for the first time?
2. Unconditioned
All these are done without expecting something material in return, except maybe for a loving embrace. How does she know what that baby will treat her like when he grows up? Will he respect her or not? Will he take care of her in her old age or simply forget about her? She doesn?t even care, all she cares about is to do her best to keep her child safe, giving him an education, a shelter, all she can do to offer him more and better then she had. As the good old Danish proverb sais “A rich child often sits in a poor mother’s lap.”
3. Steady ,always the same
In “Beloved” (1987) Toni Morrison adorably puts it in the picture showing that “Grown don’t mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What’s that suppose to mean? In my heart it don’t mean a thing.”
4. Tender as well as most powerful
Tender as a baby?s kiss is the way a mother can be, still, we see her fighting like a young lioness for the protection of her child, don?t you dare harm him in any way whatsoever! She has this “mother instinct” buried deep within her soul and mixed with the purest love, it makes her the most powerful human being. “Who takes the child by the hand takes the mother by the heart.” – German Proverb
5. Forgiving
Second chances do not exist ?because she gives a billion second chances if we can call them so. From the first steps to the maturity years, you will not find a deeper human love then that of a good mother. Honor? de Balzac said “The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.”
6. Temporary blessing?
I have recently seen a funeral of a mother, and the pain in her children?s heart moved me profoundly. I realized more than ever that to have a mother is a temporary blessing, the more you have her around, the more blessed you are. However, sometimes the more we have that fortune, the more we get used to it, take it for granted, forgetting to appreciate this unique human being whom we can call “mother”. The beautiful bouquets of flowers from the funeral don?t make up for times when we could have done that while she was alive and well, wishing to enjoy the beauty of the flowers showered with our love.
As Washington Irving said” A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” It is indeed a great loss to lose your mother?
In His Bible, God Himself also commands “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” The consequences of not doing so were really serious:”Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.” Obviously God meant what He said and to show respect to your parents, mother respectively, was a must and not an option?or else?
I will end with a word for husbands, as Theodore Hesburg wisely affirmed: “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
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I remember when I was little, my grandma told me a thing that followed me all throughout life: that God loves, He loves children, and listens to their prayers. Words engraved on a young heart will remain there for a long time?or it might not be too much to say, forever. Anything an adult tells a child can greatly affect his future development.
Naturally, parents should raise their kids in order to become fully responsible, self-confident and caring grown-ups. Nonetheless, there undoubtedly are many times when adults should think twice before opening their mouths and say the words that might haunt the kid’s mind and turn him to rebellious acts and attitudes, irresponsibilities, and so on.
One of the most frequent, and most affecting mistakes would be that of having an attitude of arrogance and selfishness towards the child, and saying the commonly-heard words: “Because I’m the dad/mum, not you!” By uttering this, the parent actually communicates to the child his/her lack of interest towards any of child’s feelings, opinions and thoughts. It is as if their own ideas and personality didn’t matter. As an immediate reaction to this, children would get bad feelings about themselves, will refuse any more idea-sharing with their parents, silently plotting their rebellion and separation from them. The fact is, children have the tendency to add their momentary emotions to their own fragile, developing psychological system.
Another disturbing advice from the part of the parents is “Do as I say, not as I do” It is damaging because kids actually are more likely to copy the adult behavior than to listen to their verbal discourse, advice and commands. It may sound like a clich?, but raising a child really involves a lot of responsibility, mostly the responsibility of being an honest, self-disciplined person who actually does what he says or advises others to do. Kids expect integrity from the part of their grown-up parents, otherwise they would regard them as hypocrites and manipulators. If parents do not do what they “preach”, their kids will follow their examples in their own lives. If there is a discrepancy between the parents’ public image and their private image, kids will do the same, including keeping “dirty” secrets from their own parents.
But what is there to say to a child in order to help him/her grow into a self-reliant, honorable and respectable adult? Stanley Coopersmith thought of a system to measure people’s self-esteem level. The basics of this system state that both kids and adults need the same things in order to have a healthy, well-balanced self-esteem. First of all, they need to feel capable, to have the feeling that they possess certain skills and capacities; they also need to feel significant, that their words, thoughts and actions matter to others; they need to feel powerful, to know that they can have an impact on the surrounding world; they have to feel worthy, to have the inner conviction of being unique, endowed with special talents that may differentiate them from other people.
Both kids and grown-ups have the same mechanisms of achieving and improving their self-respect. These means are generally related to appreciation from the exterior and to an encouraging attitude. Whenever a human being fails at something, he/she needs to learn to focus on his/her successes rather than his/her weak points.
All parents need to make their kids’ self-image blossom, is to be around to play and communicate with them in a positive way. The simple gesture of being there tells children they are worthy of their parents’ time. If a parent shows joy when welcoming their kids home, and genuine happiness caused by the simple presence of their children, the latter will feel valuable, loved, accepted and trustworthy. One of the worst attitudes towards a child is to act too busy to pay any attention to what they are trying to express or communicate.
Other self-esteem problems may result from their parents forcing them to do things they don’t really like or they aren’t good at, like dancing, doing certain sports, playing a musical instruments, a.s.o. This is because the focus is on what kids cannot do instead of what they are capable of.
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By Anastacia Mott Austin
For a while there, it looked like Sameer Mishra, the eventual winner of this year?s Scripps National Spelling Bee, might lose a round when he was presented with a word that seemed awfully risqu? for a spelling bee.
After hearing the word, Mishra, clearly surprised, repeated, “Numbnut?” as the crowd laughed. The official pronouncing the words said, “No, that?s numnah, a sheepskin pad used between the back of a horse and the saddle.” “Oh, numnah!” said Mishra, adding, “That?s a relief,” before correctly spelling the word.
His poise under pressure was partly what led the Indiana 13-year-old to grab this year?s trophy, spelling the very apropos word “guerdon,” which means something earned.
Though the mood was often tense as the contestant field was slowly narrowed in successive rounds, there were moments of humor also, as when one girl asked the announcer, “Can you use [the word] in a song?” To which announcer Jacques Bailly said, “You really don?t want me to.”
Another contestant jokingly asked if he could be given another word. (His request was denied.)
It takes a special type of kid to thrive in the very competitive environment of national spelling bees, and parents interviewed said that sometimes the parents of the spellers get carried away.
Reporters caught up with the moms of repeat contestants Tia Thomas and Matthew Evans, both 13, who had developed a friendly rivalry and helped each other study. “There’s definitely some pressure involved when the stakes are higher,” said Pamela Thomas, Tia?s mother.
Thomas added that some families get too caught up in that pressure and forget that their children are just kids, after all. “You do have to encourage them, and sometimes it may seem like you’re kind of pushing them,” said Thomas to reporters. “But, yeah, you don’t want them to hate you, or you don’t want to pressure them too much because they are children.”
Matthew was eliminated in the quarterfinals (exiting the stage to a standing ovation that he seemed oblivious to), saying tearfully, “It’s disappointing. I know a lot of people were rooting for me.”
Tia Thomas kept going and ended up in third place after being eliminated with an incorrect spelling of “opificer” (a skilled or artistic worker).
Kids competing in “the Bee” study dictionaries religiously, some claiming to have gone through every single word. Others review Greek and Latin for common roots of words and the rules that accompany them.
Contestants told reporters they spent four or five hours per day studying words and their spellings. Some have wondered, how much is too much?
Child development experts say that as long as a child is enjoying the experience, only good can come of it. And it beats spending the same four hours a day spacing out to video games and “SpongeBob Squarepants.”
“To be a champion, I think it takes a certain tenaciousness and a will to succeed, and that will pretty much take you far in anything,” said Barrie Trinkle, 1973?s winner, to reporters.
Many kids who have been involved in the intense spelling competitions go on to score very highly on their SATs, attend prestigious colleges, and use their spelling skills and abilities to display grace under pressure for careers in neuroscience or law.
When asked of their plans for the days following the competition, some kids said they would just get right back into the swing of studying words, getting a jump on next year. Others, like Thomas, said she was going to “read and watch TV” for at least a few days.
Matthew Evans said he was “?kind of looking forward to this summer when I can take a break and do non-spelling stuff.”
Some of those eliminated in earlier rounds will not be able to stop themselves from ruminating over the word that got them eliminated. Spelling bee champs can often tell you what word either won them a contest or put them out of the game.
Take Frank Neuhauser, the winner of the national spelling bee?s very first competition in 1925, who was in the audience during this year?s Bee.
The 94-year-old Neuhauser didn?t hesitate when asked what his winning word was. “Gladiolus,” he announced cheerfully. “It was a lot easier back then,” Neuhauser said to the small crowd waiting for his autograph. “There were only eight competitors instead of 288. I’d never make it now.”
Neuhauser won $500 in gold pieces. Current winner Mishra stands to gain about $37,000 in cash and prizes.
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The excitement of welcoming a new family member, is followed by great responsibility. It is wise to pray for the child before he/she is born, pray that God will give you as parents all necessary resources and His will to be done in your baby?s life.
We couldn?t wait to see if it will be a girl or a boy. When we finally found out, we were anxious to have all the details ready for the baby?s arrival.
“Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him”. (Psalms 127:3)
We realize the blessing of having heritage from the Lord in the baby?s first hours.
The couple is now confronted with a totally new roll for them: the one of being parents.
Now as parents, how we suppose to know what and how to deal with God?s reward? Those who call themselves Christians and follow Christ in every step they do, will surely take God?s example of parenting.
As parents we must realize that our children do what they see us doing. Do not expect your child to have a better vocabulary than you have or be thankful if you are not.
Our children know us better than we know ourselves in many aspects of life. I heard my older boy once saying something that I didn?t like him to say and while wondering where from he could have heard that ? I realized that the problem was mine, I was the one who talks like that. Upsss! I couldn?t believe it my 4 years old son spotted it! Parents, we must be aware that our children will not be more kind and gentile than we are.
Discipline is a very important tool of our Father in the process of holiness. Our Father wants us to obey him. When we do not, because God loves us, he disciplines us and we have to admit that every time this hurts.
“My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in” (Proverbs 3:11,12)
We will apply discipline if we want positive results in our children’s behavior but note, don?t discipline your child in the urge of your fury!
When we apply discipline we have seriously consider our heart?s attitude, I mean extremely seriously. We must not have an attitude of anger but take a deep breath(or as long as it takes to cool down the nerves) and pray before applying discipline, that God will work in your child wisdom, a character according to His will, being conscious that we also are in His hands and He sees our heart.
“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24)
We must be firm not raising our voice so the child will know that we are not happy to do that but we must do it because we love him and we want him in the Kingdom of heaven.
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. (Proverbs 23:13,14)
God?s word is clear enough for those who have ears to hear. Using the rod when punishing may save his soul from death. This is more important than being afraid to use rod(I don?t mean a physical abuse here, it is a means of saying that you need to correct, you need to teach your child before it is too late) This aspect is about everlasting life. It is not a game we do not play with it, is about our baby?s precious soul.
“The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother”. ( Proverbs 29:15)
Mother, a child left to himself will disgrace you! This are God?s words so if we want to impart wisdom in our kids, we (the parents) need to obey first, and use rod. Even if this may seem so roundly.
“Because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! (Hebrews12:6-8)
Disciplining your child with discernment and not abusing in any way, is precious, as precious as his/her very soul!
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Our Father God is using the comparison between human fathers who discipline their sons and His own discipline with everyone He accepts as a son. The first part shows us the importance of discipline in our children?s life.
Also God said that after being disciplined, children must respect their fathers for it; what?s more, there is a very important aspect regarding discipline: the attitude of the heart, submission. As parents we need to, we must, watch over the attitude of our children.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”. (Proverbs 4:23) Now, when children are too small, to be able to guard their heart, this will be our responsibility as parents. We are in charge to know our child?s heart and to guard it before they will be mature enough. The root of all sins comes from the heart.
Therefore, the attitude of our children is far more important that their deeds. We as parents can see their attitude when something wrong happens whether it was a good one or not. We will not apply discipline when the attitude of their hearts was a good one. But when their actions were done with a bad attitude, we must let him/her understand where they were wrong and pray with them but we should not omit discipline this time.
As we know very well, our children are our prototype, and will copy our attitude. As soon as I became a parent I had to deal with my attitude and a very important ingredient in our attitude when parenting is joy. Without it we are just making efforts without satisfaction. Our attitude crowned with love and joy will flow as springs of energy in our families.
The intentions of our children show their character better than their deeds. That?s why they must be evaluated as we are judged by God ? by the attitude of the heart.
But do we have time to see their attitude? Do we have time to watch and guide our children?s heart attitude? Someone once said that if you have duties outside the family keeping you busy and stopping from raising your children as you should, than give all those extra duties back to the devil.
Raising our children involves a spiritual battle to their soul level and when we realize that, do we still have something more important than that to care about?
As parents, we have our own experience regarding the importance of having children, this precious heritage from the Lord and along with it, the responsibility that involves. By the grace of God we were blessed with a second son, and ever since we knew that another baby is coming we started praying for him. The baby came, a beautiful baby boy, his brother was very happy to see him, we were so proud of him everybody was happy, but as we live in a battle, the struggles just began.
I have two sons, a great husband and a good job, apparently a perfect life! I wanted them all, to be a wife a mother and also to keep the good job I had. Soon I started working part-time. But the part-time slowly transformed into full time as I had to stay longer and longer at work until I realized I had no time for my husband, for my kids and for the other responsibilities in the family.
We were working in shifts my husband was at work in the mornings and that time I was with the kids at home, when he came home I was leaving for work till late at night so it was his turn with the children. We had no time to talk.
But we have a great Father that took care of everything even if at first sight it was painful; he said “stop” to what was wrong in our family life. He saw the danger we were in, and began the discipline; took away my job and gave me time for what is the most important in life; I was now having a new perspective about life. My Father let me know what my responsibilities were and made me understand that nothing is more important than our children?s everlasting life. Thank you dear Lord for taking care of this and may Your will be done to each family on this earth who wants you to be their guide!
It was a great lesson for me. Blessed be the Lord!
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Family is the first to shape your character because we learn fastest by imitating others. We all mimic some influential figures in our lives (at least until we realize that there is someone better to imitate – Jesus Christ, the Son of God- and until we realize it is a charm in itself to be unique and not a copy). However, we can?t deny it, we imitate what we admire. Therefore as children we imitate the parents and the parents imitate their progenitors who in turn have imitated their forefathers and so on. However, this process doesn?t stop at reproducing what we admired in our forefathers, it also perpetuates the bad attitudes as well and many times parents don?t even realize how crooked their own pattern was, pattern that their children are born into.
Let?s see how the parental model can bring into a child?s life less wanted things and a twisted image of God. As mentioned earlier, kids see God as shown by the authority figure in their lives. This is where the father plays a very important role in modeling his child?s image of God. Here are 10 parental models as presented by Peter Horrobin in his teachings:
The parental model: (distant) A possible conviction of the child as a result: I am not important, I am insignificant. A possible attitude towards God as a result: God cannot care about me.
An “always busy” parent can determine the following belief in the child “I am worthless” and in relation with God, the child might think “God is not interested in me.”
A parent that doesn?t communicate sends the same “I am not important” message into his child?s heart and about God the child might as well believe that “God doesn?t want to talk to me.”
If the parent doesn?t confirm his child?s value, doesn?t support and encourage him the child unconsciously believes “I am not acceptable the way I am”, consequently his immature thoughts may lead him into believing the following: “God doesn?t think I am good at something therefore He cannot use me for anything.”
Lack of physical touch might lead the child into thinking “There is something dirty about me and I am not worthy of being touched” and also may determine the supposition that “God will not come close to me because I am unclean.”
The abusive parent induces into his child the following lie:”I can?t trust people, especially those who have power.” That?s why an abused child might as well believe the same about God “God has great power that?s why I can?t trust Him.”
Years ago while talking to a friend I told her that God is like a father. Her face was disappointed and said:”Like a father?” Seeing her disappointment I started explaining that He is like a good father, kind, patient, loving and I tried to make her understand how a father should ideally be. It is a little like explaining the taste of papaya when you never had one. All you can do is imagine?but, our God gives us the chance to taste Him, taste that kindness, unconditional love and forgiveness He has for us. It is difficult for an abused child to trust people and to understand God?s unconditional love, but it is perfectly achievable. God has His own methods of healing so He gives enough power to go all the way.
A violent parent will bring to his child?s mind convictions like “I?m afraid of other people because they can hurt me” and about God “God will hurt me if I get close to Him.”
If a parent is always on the edge of an argument, his child will thing that “the conflict is inevitable and painful”; as of God “God cannot be pleased. The attempt of having a relationship with Him will produce pain.”
Parental selfishness will bring the following destructive image into the child?s convictions:” I am just a slave, an unworthy person.” When it comes to God: “God will use me for His own good and not for mine.”
The careless parent communicates to his child willingly or not: “My needs don?t matter” and “God will not care for me because I am not important.”
These are 10 lies that our enemy Satan can use against ourselves and our children to pervert that unconditional love an acceptance and to induce a control spirit that will come with crushing consequences if not dealt with forgiveness, love and unconditional acceptance. The following article will present other parental attitudes in completion to this one. God is loving and Holy so we also need to renew our mind, to learn how to keep the balance between love and righteousness, excluding none. This will create a safety environment for our children and also, a healthy image about God with fewer wounds to heal.
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The image of a good father is harder and harder to see these days. Today we have the image of the successful business man with his sharp suit and red tie ready to negotiate another profitable contract. He is simply too busy for family life?maybe somewhere in the weekend.
Anyway, the image of a good father is what Jesus Christ, the Son of God describes in the Gospels:
“Once a man had two sons. “The younger son said to his father, “Give me my share of the property.” So the father divided his property between his two sons.
Not long after that, the younger son packed up everything he owned and left for a foreign country, where he wasted all his money in wild living. He had spent everything, when a bad famine spread through that whole land. Soon he had nothing to eat. ?The younger son got up and started back to his father. But when he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt sorry for him. He ran to his son and hugged and kissed him.
The son said, “Father, I have sinned against God in heaven and against you. I am no longer good enough to be called your son.”
But his father said to the servants, “Hurry and bring the best clothes and put them on him. Give him a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. Get the best calf and prepare it, so we can eat and celebrate. This son of mine was dead, but has now come back to life. He was lost and has now been found.” And they began to celebrate. “Luke 10
We first have to see where the pattern is crooked and thus establish the cause of the problem and then we can get on at solving it. That?s why I?ll continue in the following lines with the parental models and the convictions that can be built into our children, convictions about themselves as well as about God.
1. The unloving parental prototype can lead his children into believing:” I am not the type of person that can be loved” and when it comes to God, the children might think:” God cannot love me, He loves everyone else but me.”
2. Harsh and insensitive parents will determine their children to think:” I probably deserve to be punished” and about God:” God is a severe judge and I will know His anger and His rewards.”
3. A critical spirit of the parents is so incredibly destructive! It creates an atmosphere of unfair competition where the child has to live up to some impossible standards and he hardly ever manages to do something right, not because he doesn?t want to but because the parents expect too much and are simply very hard to please. This way their initiative spirit is destroyed trough acid criticism. It is not only in relationships with their own parents that this critique devastates, but also when relating to their friends, children brought up in a critical environment will act based on what they have been taught (their parents are the first to mold those little minds and personalities). The consequence is not very difficult to predict: those children end up with very few friends- if any- due to this constant criticism spread around. Nobody likes to be constantly criticized!
Now it doesn?t mean that if you grew up in a family where you inherited some of these negative patterns you are necessarily a victim. As soon as you realize what was wrong you have the authority and the power to change and it is not an excuse to repeat the same mistakes with your children.
I am not saying it is easy, but it all starts with the renewing of your mind. Until now you believed a wrong thing but when you see the truth, start acting on it. If you find it difficult, simply ask help form God, and you will get the right help and assistance whenever you need it.
I don?t know if there is one person to have not been trough at least one of the wrong patterns presented above. Parents are not perfect beings but this is not an excuse to continuing the same way ourselves because we have to assume our share of responsibility as well. We can?t blame our parents, maybe they didn?t know better. However, you do, so let God renew the way you think trough His Word, The Bible, and you will have the fruits that come thereof: love, peace and harmony in your home and relationships.
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Storytelling is fading from popularity in today?s society, but throughout history it has been a valuable tool for imparting joy, wisdom, and history from one generation to the next. In “the olden days” the way parents got their children to settle down and go to bed was to sit with them in a darkened room and tell them a story. Not read them a story, mind you – actually tell it to them. Reading a story from a book is enjoyable and helps stimulate children?s imaginations by painting a picture for them to see in their minds. But making up or memorizing a story to tell to your children is a dwindling art. Being creative and telling a story can not only help your child to drift off to a restful night of slumber and fanciful dreams, seeing your creativity in action will help your child develop his or her own creativity and imagination.
If you don?t have much of a creative imagination, don?t fear – the story need not be your own in order for you to tell it well. Children love a good story told directly to them instead of read to them, so you can prepare yourself for telling a story by reading a story first and committing it to memory well enough to re-tell it to your child. If you do decide to venture forward and create your own story, you should also commit the storyline to memory before telling it to your child. Go over every detail in your mind so you won?t stumble or have to take a break in the middle of the story to try to remember what comes next.
When you sit down to tell the story to your child, be sure to give it a personality of its own. Use expressive gestures and facial expressions, be dramatic or comedic in your presentation, and use emotion and personality when speaking the lines of a character in the story. Whenever you can, involve your child in the story. Give your child a line to say, or ask him a question about what a character should do or say, or encourage him to provide dialogue, sing a song, or make a gesture that is important to the development of the plot. Involve your child in telling the story.
The choice of stories to tell is limitless. If you remember a book from your own childhood that meant a lot or made a solid impression on you, that?s a great place to start. Your own excitement and enthusiasm for the story will be evident to your child as you tell the story, which will make your storytelling even more enjoyable and memorable. Stories like Peter Rabbit, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, and Rapunzel may be stories written long ago, but their appeal is timeless. If a story has a repeated phrase throughout – such as “Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair,” then encourage your child to join you in chanting the phrase, or let him say it alone.
Once you have become the master storyteller in your household, then you can encourage your child to make up his own stories and tell them to you. And maybe by doing so you can keep alive the art of storytelling for generations to come.
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By Deborah Lambeth
Everybody wants to be a winner. Jumping up and down, yelling, clapping hands are all gestures that we do when someone wins or does well. Rewarding success with trophies, money, and gifts are just some ways society celebrates a winner. It?s very normal that most parents want their children to win and be successful.
What is not normal is for children to be pushed in to believing that winning is the only thing that matters and that failure, somehow, is a weakness. Accepting failure is not a weakness. It?s easy to teach and model for a child how to win. However, not everybody can win – there will always be a loser. Teaching your child how to lose is an important lesson that will stay with them the rest of their lives.
It?s safe to say that no one wants to lose. It?s safe to say that most parents have a tough time watching their child lose or suffer defeat. What are some things a parent can do to teach a child this important lesson of life – handling defeat? Laying the groundwork beforehand is important. Here are some things to consider:
Whatever your child?s interest (sports, music, academics) make sure you provide people who can give adequate training for your child. Providing resources from people other than yourself is important so your child can maintain some autonomy in what they are doing. Having someone else teach your child takes you “out of the middle,” so to speak, so that if your child does not do well, then you are there to “catch them” when they fall. It is easier for a child to hear and absorb constructive feedback if it is coming from someone other than his or her parent.
Assure your child that they are loved whatever the outcome of a game, competition, etc. Many children believe that how they “perform” is going to determine how much their parent loves them. Children need to be taught that they are valued and loved for whom they are and not what they can do. They need to know that your love for them is unconditional.
Allowing your child to cry, get angry and express their feelings over the loss is extremely important. Some parents tell children to not cry and that crying is for sissies – and losers don?t? cry. Being able to have an emotional release and teaching your child appropriate emotional responses is important.
Not immediately after a loss, but at some point, have a time of “looking back.” Talk with your child and see if they think there is anything they could have done differently. Remind them “it?s not how you win or lose, but how you play the game.” Encourage your child to think and talk about what they have learned from their experience.
Always leave the door open for your child to talk with you about the particular area in which they are competing. It may be that continued losses are indications that your child is not ready for the activity, is bored, is not doing it for their own personal enjoyment or satisfaction, or that the training is inadequate.
Continue to encourage. Point out the things you observed that were good. While your child may have not done his/her best, there are things that they did well. Children need to hear what they did well – especially in light of a defeat.
It?s challenging to see someone struggle. It?s very difficult to watch someone lose-especially when they try so hard to be successful. The old adage, “if at first you don?t succeed, try and try again” can be frustrating to hear. However, as it is with anything in life, there are lessons that can be learned from losing. Children, especially, need to be reminded that in all things there is always hope.
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